What the Rift Took Back
by diditelluiluvu
Summary: Post "The House of the Dead." What if the rift took Ianto somewhere else as a bit of a last hurrah when he closed it? And what if our favorite Time Lord were to stumble across him? T for brief language and themes. My personal Children of Earth loophole.
1. What the Doctor Found

**Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood or Doctor Who.**

**NOTE: We are going to pretend that Donna did create Doctor Duplicate, but did not become Doctor-Donna. Therefore, she is still with the Doctor in the TARDIS.**

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><p>There was nothing. No light, no reality, no time. Just the decision he had made and the heartbreak he felt. And when all of that left him, in a split second, there was not one thing in the world. Only burning.<p>

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><p>"Doctor! What the hell is going on?" Donna struggled to stay upright as the TARDIS shook more violently than any time she could remember.<p>

"I don't know!" The Doctor frantically messed with the controls on the TARDIS, trying to get it into some kind of order. But once she started something, it was difficult to cease her actions. They were going somewhere important.

"Well, you had better figure it out of I'm going to be sick all over your precious alien metal!" She toppled over. She attempted to crawl towards the central control, but the process was proving difficult with the amount of shaking the floor was doing.

All of the sudden, a loud scream echoed through the TARDIS, seeming to be amplified through its walls. Donna shook her head.

"Now what the hell is that?" She struggled to her feet, only to be knocked into the central control by another lurch.

"Sounds like a man screaming." The Doctor grabbed her hand and tried to help her inch her way around to where he was standing. The two gripped onto the control panel for dear life when an image flickered onto the screen.

"Look!" Donna pointed to it. There was a man below them, burning in the heart of a dark star. "What do we do?" She turned to the Doctor, whose face spread into a grin.

"We save him of course! Allons-y!" He pushed forward a lever and the TARDIS barrelled towards the heart of the flames.

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><p>The pain was immeasurable. A normal human would have burned within seconds in this amount of heat. But he figured that space fires worked differently, burning and hurting forever without truly killing him. He just wished he would die, to lose the pain. Or at least he would have, if he could form a thought in his scorching brain.<p>

"Hello down there!" A voice called down to him somewhere out of the smoke, but his own deafening screams and the crackle of the blaze made it almost impossible to hear. It called again. "Quick! Grab hold before we fall in too! No time to lose here!"He struggled to open his eyes, and the burning air quickly filled them. Still, he thought he could see a splash of blue within the smoke. He reached out the remnants of a hand. It was surely a dream. But he had nothing to lose.

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><p>"Careful! He's still a bit singed." The Doctor laboriously dropped the body on the floor, leaving Donna by its side. He quickly closed the TARDIS door and hurried back towards the central control.<p>

"A bit? The man's barely a body! He's charred like a toast!" She leaned in closer, trying to analyze what was left of his face.

"Details!" He set a new course, aiming to find an area of open space where they could tend to the man without leaving the TARDIS. He then hurried back around and knelt beside the body.

"What have we got here?" He put on his glasses and took out his sonic screwdriver. The body lay face-down, writhing a bit and moaning. He saw his back expand a bit as he took shallow breaths. The screwdriver hummed as he perused the body, checking for any signs of identification.

"It may help if you flip it over." Donna rubbed a temple. The Doctor raised his eyebrows.

"Right..." He flipped over the body with a bit too much effort and looked and stared into the man's face, if it could even be called that anymore. A look of confusion and dread crossed his features as he pulled out his sonic again, mumbling to himself. "That's impossible... It can't be..." Donna rolled her eyes.

"If I had a pound for every time you said-" He shot her a look and she shut it, seeing he was completely serious. "What is it? Who is this?"

The Doctor rose, running a hand through his messy hair and staring in almost frightened disbelief. "Donna Noble... This is Ianto Jones."

"Ianto Jones?" She searched her memory as to why the name sounded so familiar. "Oh! Isn't he from the Torchwood team? Well, I'm sure it'd be very useful if we could find a way to save him, right?" She rose, but noticed that the Doctor was still disconcerted. "What is it?" He looked to her and then back at the body, its writhing becoming a bit more subdued. He spoke in a near whisper.

"Ianto Jones died six months ago in Earth time." He didn't understand. It was wrong. It was impossible. "There is a dead man laying on my floor, very much alive."

**R&R. Next chapter soon to come!**


	2. Lights

**Hey guys! Hope you're enjoying the fic and had a lovely holiday season! Now for an epic change from a happy greeting to a dramatic fic!**

There were voices. He thought he heard a woman and a man, but he couldn't tell if they were singular voices or varying ones. He could barely think straight. Whatever cool floor he was on was providing some relief from the burning. Even though the fires has gone, his skin continued the battle. Every movement hurt, but he couldn't stop thrashing.

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><p>"Well, he's obviously not dead, is he?" Donna put her hands on her hips and turned to the Doctor, who was still in a bit of a dazed trance. He inhaled sharply and appeared to snap out of it, a shaky grin on his face as he hurried back around to the controls.<p>

"Right! Well, there's only one place to go now!" He shifted the levers and buttons around and the TARDIS took off. The body yelped a bit as the TARDIS shook it.

"Where's that?" Donna ran around towards the Doctor. The TARDIS came to a short and screeching halt. She finally reached him.

"Now Donna, I need you to stand right in that doorway and open the door when I tell you to. If we time this incorrectly, everything could go wrong. He began to drag Ianto's body further to the other side of the TARDIS, far away from the door but still in plain sight. Donna looked extremely concerned.

"Doctor, what exactly are we doing?" He placed the body down and shook his hands to try to displace the ash.

"Well, you are awfully inquisitive today aren't you Ms. Noble?" He ran up the stairs to hide behind the door leading to his wardrobe. "Now, when I say go, you open that door and shut it as quickly as possible. Don't be afraid, they're friendly." He disappeared behind the door.

"Who's friendly?" Donna called back up. The Doctor poked his head out again.

"Inquisition is not your friend!" He retreated back inside. Donna huffed. of course, there was no real reason to be scared... Other than the fact that she was probably about to be attacked by some alien. All the same, she waited for the Doctor's call.

"One...Two...Three... GO!" He yelled from behind the door. Donna opened and shut the door as quickly as possible. In the small space between her opening and shutting the door, a dozen little lights, like fireflies, surrounded her. They floated around her, analyzing. She tried her best not to utterly lose it but was having some difficulty. She soon found however, that the lights were not harmful, and were quickly moving away from her body. They were beginning to swarm around Ianto.

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><p>It was like being stitched back together. It hurt more than anything, and yet at the same time he knew it was healing him. He felt his skin growing back in and joining together. Muscles began to reform and his body began to cool. He must have been dying. Maybe that's why he felt so at peace. He relished in his thoughts as they began to return, slowly, into his mind. But they were coming too quickly. Too many words, too many memories... He fell unconscious.<p>

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><p>The Doctor reached his sonic screwdriver around the door, careful not to expose too much of himself. The humming seemed to disrupt the lights and they all fell with a clatter to the ground. When he was certain that they were short-cicuited, the Doctor ran down the stairs and scooped the lights into a kind of jar.<p>

"There you go, my beauties." He held the jar up to his face and smiled before setting the jar down on a stair. Donna stared at Ianto's body in disbelief.

"Okay, _what_ just happened? That man was a bloody cinder just a minute ago..."

"Nanogenes!" The Doctor triumphantly exclaimed as he began to hoist up Ianto's body, trying to drag it toward the stairs. "A little help, please?" Donna hurried over, grabbing Ianto's legs and helping the Doctor to carry him up the stairs. "Little robots designed for healing any wound, occasionally bringing people back from the dead. They caused me a whole load of trouble in the 40s. Although, I suppose if they hadn't, Mr. Ianto wouldn't be here."

"Come again?" Donna and the Doctor pushed through a door and into one of the rooms of the TARDIS.

"Well, that's where I met a certain explicit captain." They set Ianto down on a bed in the center of the room. "He won't wake up for a little while now, he wounds nearly killed him. But I need to be here when he does. Now, scurry off." Donna gave him an outraged look, but stormed out all the same, muttering something about always missing out on the fun.

The Doctor paced back and forth around the bed. He stopped occasionally when Ianto's breath would hitch or he would suddenly scream. He looked incredibly distressed. He didn't move much, but his face was screwed as if he was experiencing something incredibly unpleasant. For all he knew, he probably was.

"Ianto Jones." He leaned over the bed, stopping, and then began his pacing again. "What are we going to do with you?"

**R&R**


	3. Stitches

**NOTE: Yay, two chapters in one day (sort of), you lucky ducks. Thanks for the reviews! Keep 'em up they make me happy!**

****There was far too much light in the room. It burned for him to open his eyes, but he was now fully awake. He tried to speak, but it was proving difficult after all the screaming. He managed a low whisper.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" He could tell that he was on a bed of some kind, but not much else.

"Awake are we? Took long enough. About..." He heard a shuffling, which he assumed was the voice's owner taking out a watch. "Three hours or so." He searched his thoughts as to why the voice sounded so familiar. He opened his eyes into narrow slits, attempting to see without being blinded. "Oh! sorry about that, I'll just dim the lights a bit more eh?" As promised, the lights lowered and he opened his eyes fully.

"A bit intimate, dimming the lights so soon, don't you think?" Ianto turned his head towards the voice, only to be shocked. "You're the Doctor. The one he always used to talk about, who saved the world from the Daleks." Sudden memories flooded his head. He could feel his face twisting with discomfort as his head grew more confused. He sat up in the bed. The Doctor scratched his head.

"Many times actually. How are we feeling today?" He forced a smile, but Ianto could tell something was wrong. He attempted to shake his thoughts. But they kept returning, more scattered. Some sane part of his mind could hear his mutterings and was ashamed of his , but the words kept coming, extremely quickly and disrupted.

"It was dark. It was so dark. He said-he said-I thought I lived but he said I- 456. Just numbers... 123456789... Fuck! 10 percent. 123456789 10. They said- they said- He waited-he ran away- he couldn't-becuase I- I don't remember... the only person he wanted to see- at The House of the Dead- Dad said it- I couldn't have known- something about a blue light- blue light in a cell- I breathed the air- He forgot-no he didn't- of course he did, stop kidding yourself- Syriath did it-"

"Syriath?" The Doctor stood up and attempted to subdue Ianto's muttering. "Ianto. Ianto can you hear me? Listen- I need you to try to focus for me." Ianto stopped muttering but he was still screaming. "Ianto! Listen! What about Syriath? Is she back? Ianto!" He let go, exasperated, and began to pace around again. If Syriath had returned... It could be detrimental. But Syriath wasn't one for performing full resurrections, it all depended on the emotional level of her living victims, their grief. After about a minute or so, Ianto sat still, continuing to look distressed, but a bit more normal than before.

"Doctor." He whispered. The Doctor turned, desperately hoping for an answer. "Doctor, why couldn't he just let me die?" He started crying silently.

"Who?" The Doctor drew closer, Ianto's entire face expanded with shock and alarm.

"I... I can't remember his name..." His silent tears turned into true sobs, lasting only moments before he retreated back into himself, muttering again.

The Doctor stood, watching him. This was why he shouldn't have been brought back.

This is why he should have just died.

**R&R**


	4. What Changed Him

**YO. Meant to update yesterday but I fell asleep lol. Hope you guys are enjoying the fic!**

The Doctor exited the room slowly, closing the door behind him.

"How is he?" Donna asked. She hoped for the best, but from what she could hear through the door... it wasn't going well.

"Not well, I'm afraid. I think I'll be leaving him alone for a bit." The Doctor made his way down the stairs.

"Is that really a good idea? I mean, from what I heard he sounds..." She tried to think of the nicest way to say it. Crazy? Schitzo? "Disturbed." The Doctor crossed around her to where he had placed the jar of nanogenes. Picking it up, he observed them as they flew about inside.

"Well, being killed, resurrected, torn out of reality, and burned alive will do that to you." He tilted the jar. Donna stepped toward him, pointing at the jar.

"I don't understand. If those things were supposed to heal him why is he going all looney?" She put her hands on her hips and shifted her weight to the other foot. The Doctor sat on the stairs, placing the jar next to him and running a hand through his hair.

"Well clearly something else is eating away at him. Nanogenes can fix things on a physical level, not an emotional one. My guess is that something happened between his resurrection and now that's left him damaged." The screaming in the other room stopped and the Doctor rose to ascend the stairs.

"What are you going to do?" she called after him.

"Improvise!" The Doctor yelled back before disappearing once more behind the door. He was not a second through when Ianto addressed him.

"Doctor, quickly, before it comes back... I have to know..." Ianto edged his way to the side of the bed, swinging his legs over. "I knew a man called Jonah. He had been taken back through the rift. When we found him, he was... wounded. Insane. He couldn't stop screaming." He raised his head to look the Doctor in the eye and his voice dropped in the way it sometimes did in serious circumstances. "Is that what's going to happen to me? Am I going to keep screaming? End up a shadow?" He inhaled sharply and shook his head, as if trying to dispel thoughts with physical force. "There's so many thoughts. Why couldn't you just let me die?"

"I thought about it." The Doctor said simply. Ianto looked at him, a bit puzzled. He obviously wasn't expecting that for an answer. "You're wrong. You are very very wrong. People like you shouldn't exist. I'm still not fully convinced that you do. Three years ago, I would have thrown you back in the flames."

"Says a man who's lived ten lives." Ianto scoffed. "What convinced you not to?" The Doctor sighed a bit, pulled a chair closer to the bed, and hoped that he would be able to explain without Ianto going into another fit.

"There was a man named Jack Harkness." The Doctor waited for a response. Ianto squinted a bit, as if trying to remember where he had heard the name before. Seeing that it had no effect, the Doctor continued. "I left him behind once, because he was wrong too. But he found his way back eventually." He said the last bit with a hint of irritation, as if recalling a child that wouldn't leave him alone. "I didn't want him to but it turns out that he wasn't so bad after all. I was too scared before that to realize it, but he was a hero. He helped me again. And he saved the world so many times without me. It made me think about things. I figured, well, if someone like him could be hero, I should probably rethink how I looked at "wrong" people." He let that settle for a moment before grinning again, snapping back into his usual chipper self. "Anyhow! Let's be off, shall we? I think I know a little place across the galaxy just perfect for a mind unsettled."

He began to exit the room. Ianto, who had sat somewhat stoic for the majority of the explanation, sprang up and grabbed the Doctor's arm, desperate not to let him leave.

"Doctor! That name... Jack Harkness... I've heard it before! In my mind they whisper it over and over..." He let go, grabbing his head. "They're coming back... Doctor, why do I know that name?"

"No reason. No reason at all." The Doctor smiled and left the room. Ianto fell to the ground again, screaming as he did before.

**R&R**


	5. 23

**Banter banter banter banter banter FIC**

****"So, where are we off to?" Donna asked as the TARDIS took off again.

"New Earth! Home of the most evil yet helpful hospital in history!" The TARDIS came to a halt. The Doctor flicked a few controls before finally sitting down on the floor close by.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Donna crossed over to the Doctor and sat in front of him.

"For his little fit to end. Then we'll be back in business!" He swung his legs around so that he was lying on his stomach like a child. Donna mimicked him.

"Wait, how can a hospital be both the most evil and the most helpful?"

"I came here a long time ago, or rather the same time if you look at it that way. Rose and I." His eyes almost looked sad for a moment but he soon perked back up. "They hold the cures to every disease in the universe, no matter how terminal. I'm hoping they have something for our friend upstairs. Downside is, they're using these kind of sub-human creations to test all the diseases on."

"At once?" The Doctor nodded. Donna shook her head. That's awful."

"Well, yes. But don't worry. Today Rose and I save all the "flesh" as they're called, while still managing to keep all the vaccines intact. The key will be not to run into me and Rose. Could cause I temporal shift and all that. Not to worry though," he stood up and began to ascend the staircase. Ianto had stopped screaming about thirty seconds before. "Shouldn't be too hard, especially since I remember everywhere I went that day. The real difficulty will be trying to keep _him_," He indicated the room as he approached the door. "From going all twitchy while we're inside." He walked into the room, closing the door tight behind him. He approached Ianto, who was now sitting on the edge of the bed again.

The Doctor had questioned even coming to New Earth in the first place. He couldn't decide if he really wanted to be avoiding Rose. The danger wasn't truly Ianto, it was his own memories. Even though he knew he had done the right thing leaving his doppleganger with her, it didn't make it any easier. It probably would have been better to go on a different day. But any earlier and he risked one of the nurses mentioning his being there before to his other self. That would be just as damaging as if he were to talk to his other self.

"Ianto Jones, we're going on an adventure." He helped Ianto up off the bed.

"Is that really a good idea in my current condition, Doctor? I mean, what if I go Linda Blair again?" He stumbled a bit as the Doctor tried to help him walk out of the room.

"Don't worry about it. We've got a cure right in stock for you." He let Ianto go as he began to build more strength. It appeared that he could return to normal pretty quickly after a fit, but during he was impossible to move.

"Is there even a name for what's going on with me? Riftitis or something perhaps?"He reached the bottom of the stairs and took in the whole of the TARDIS. "It's so beautiful."

"She is, isn't she?" The Doctor strolled over, hands in pockets, to one of the walls of the TARDIS, running a hand over it.

"I'm flattered, really Doctor, but I've already told you I'm not interested." Donna scoffed.

"The TARDIS, Donna." He squeezed the bridge of his nose in exasperation. Donna looked slightly embarrassed but continued to make her way to the door defiantly. The Doctor looked towards Ianto again. "This would be Donna Noble. Donna, Ianto. Ianto, Donna." Ianto smiled at Donna and reached out a hand.

"I've seen you before, on the screen thing." Donna seemed ignorant of his attempt at pleasantries, waiting impatiently at the door of the TARDIS. Ianto sighed. "Or not."

"Sorry, were you talking to me?" She finally turned to Ianto. Her features suddenly expanded into a frightened gaze. "Ianto..." She shook her head and exhaled. "Sorry, I must have been imagining it. Are we ready to go?"

"I should think so." The Doctor proceeded to open the TARDIS door. They were right in the middle of one of the hospital's basement hallways. They all stepped out as the Doctor closed the door hastily. "Alright then, we need to get to the 23rd floor. And yes, we have to walk so prepare ourselves. The challenge is, Rose and I will be coming down this way. We MUST avoid them at all costs. Everyone clear?" The other two nodded. "Alright then, Allons-y!"

The three proceeded to run quickly through the hospital staircases, occasionally stopping, exiting the stairway, and changing passages when they thought they heard the other Doctor's voice. In a surprisingly short amount of time, they had reached the 23rd floor. The three stopped briefly to catch their breath. The physical strain was beginning to seriously take its toll on Ianto, who was sitting down and breathing extremely heavily.

"Okay, I may never need to diet again." Donna stood up fully and turned to the Doctor. "What now?"

"Alright, once we enter that room, there will be a cabinet full of spare vaccine packets. We need to find one labelled "Temporal Displacement Disorder and administer it as quickly as possible."

"So there is a name for it." Ianto smirked.

"In the future there are several more rifts open, people get tossed about all the time and it truly does drive them mad. Lots of the patients here have it and-"

"Can we hurry up please?" Donna was growing increasingly impatient. She wasn't going to have come up 23 flights of stairs just so that they could sit around and chat.

"Right. Of course. Time is of the essence." The Doctor opened the door onto the hospital floor. The three of them walked as quickly as possible, hoping not to attract too much attention from the patients. The cabinet stood at the far end of the room, near a large window. It didn't take long for the Doctor to remember the other thing on that side of them room.

He panicked a moment. Why hadn't he remembered this? It could throw the entire operation.

He began to walk a little more directly next to Ianto, as if to shield him from sideways view. It was proving difficult however, since Ianto was significantly taller.

They reached the cabinet, which turned out to be about twice the size it looked from afar. Opening it, they faced hundreds of packets of vaccinations.

"Oh, lovely. Didn't think this one through, did you spaceman? How are we supposed to find anything in this mess?" They continued arguing for a while. Ianto was trying hard to search, but it was proving difficult with their constant bickering.

"_No. It can't be_." All sound in the room stopped, except for these words. A deep, soft voice called out to him from behind his back. He turned slowly, as the world seemed to fade away. The voice was old, broken, but at the same time it was so familiar. But those eyes, larger than life now, ever searching, blinking slowly...

His heart fell apart. A thousand memories came rushing back, but none of them definitive. There was a man in the shadows in every one of them, invisible by some standard. Like seeing something out of the corner of an eye. A thousand heartaches, a thousand tears, but not one real picture came through his mind. Staring into those eyes... Every emotion he had ever felt during the past few years with him came rushing back at once, but no memory of who they were for.

"_I told you._" The voice struggled to speak. "_I would never forget you. It seems you couldn't do the same._"


	6. Forgotten

**HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

"Quick, Donna!" The Doctor and Donna ran over to Ianto, who was kneeling, staring intently at the face in front of him. Donna slammed the syringe into his shoulder, and he fell unconscious. The Doctor began to lift his body over a shoulder. Donna took the other arm around her own shoulder and they tried to carry him away as quickly as possible.

_"You won't fix him, Doctor." _The Doctor stopped and turned back towards his old friend, now truly knowing it was an old friend. His heart sank as he waited for the rest._"He will break because of you. _You make it happen._"_

"Doctor! He's a bit heavy over here!" Donna struggled to keep moving whilst carrying Ianto. But the Doctor was stuck in place.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I'm so sorry." He finally could address the old creature properly. Knowing who he was, almost all of his mystery and admiration was gone. "But you're wrong."

The Doctor ran back to Donna and carried Ianto back towards the door. The trip down the stairs was considerably easier than the trip up, but still was difficult with the added strain of carrying Ianto. Eventually, they made it back to the TARDIS. The Doctor helped Donna put him back in his bed and flew the TARDIS into open space once more.

"Oi! What did the big old face do to Ianto? Some kind of mind control or something?" Donna took a seat on a small chair on a landing above the stairs. Over the railing, she watched the Doctor slide a hand over his face in frustration. "What's wrong with you? You've been all sorts of wonky since we left the hospital. The man got his cure. Can we drop him somewhere now? He's beginning to bother me."

The Doctor shot a look at her. He made his way up the stairs once more.

"Hello? Are you listening?" She started after him, and they both entered Ianto's room. He was lying awake now, but a bit groggy. He turned his head toward the Doctor as he waked in.

"Hello, Mr. Jones. Everything cleared up in your head, sir?" The Doctor flashed a grin. Donna rolled her eyes. Ianto did not respond. "Hello?"

"They've stopped. I remember everything. Is that a good enough answer for you?" He turned his head back to stare at the ceiling.

"No need to be snippy." The Doctor and Donna pulled up chairs next to the bed.

"You knew. You knew and you took me away." Ianto sat up with astonishing speed. "Is that what happens to him after billions of years? He's still alive? But what..." He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair.

"Who?" Donna asked.

"Jack Harkness." The Doctor replied simply. Donna looked at him in shock but didn't respond. Some space matters were best left unexplained. Ianto cringed a bit at the name. He looked at the Doctor with anger in his eyes.

"You didn't help me remember him. Why? It was driving me mad."

"Because if I had, it would have made it worse. Emotional attachment just layers onto insanity. It makes you even more crazed. Jack is not the Jack you knew anymore." Donna's jaw dropped.

"Emotional attachment? As in..." She looked to Ianto who nodded slightly. "Oh that's just rich! How I would love to have been a fly on your wall-"

"Donna, it is not the time." The Doctor pinched the bridge of his nose. Donna retreated a bit.

"It's fine. At least she has the courtesy of acknowledging it." He took a deep breath before continuing. "It's his fault, you know. And he has the nerve to say I forgot him. It wasn't like I could help it!" His eyes started to get a little misty. "Billions of years... He's not even human anymore. I don't want to know..."

"That's why we tried to go through as quickly as we could. You weren't meant to see him. I thought that if you were vaccinated within close enough time of you seeing it, you would forget-" Ianto stood up and came closer to the Doctor, cutting him off.

"Forget? What makes you think I'd want to forget? All this time and he never forgot me. I deserve the right to see what happens to him." The Doctor stood in an attempt to face up to Ianto, but with his significantly shorter height, it was proving difficult to be authoritative.

"You weren't the first person he loved and you weren't the last. Just because he didn't forget you doesn't mean he still cares. We don't even know what he is anymore. So _it_ has lived billions and billions of years. You really think you still matter?"

Ianto punched him harder than he'd ever hit anyone in his life. The Doctor fell to the ground, knocking over the two chairs. Ianto grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket. Donna attempted to break them up, but she wasn't the strongest person to be attempting it.

"You would know, wouldn't you? Hundreds of years, how many people can you remember? You'll never be what he thought you were." He let go of the Doctor and began to back away. "Where were you when I died? When millions of children's lives were in danger? You left it to us. All of time and space but you can't see what truly matters. You're a coward." His eyes brimmed with tears again. "He always thought you were some kind of hero. Being the last one doesn't make you the winner. It makes you lonely. He knew that better than anyone. Things get rough..people die...and you can fly off in your magic box to make it better. He had to live with it. So never look me in the eye and tell me he doesn't care. I never saw it when I was alive, but you're the one who can escape the past. He never could."

The Doctor sat in silence for a good minute or so. Donna, for once, had nothing to say. Ianto stood waiting. Waiting for whatever answer the Doctor could possibly conjure up. For the first time, the Doctor had none. He stared at Ianto for another moment before getting up silently and exiting the room. Donna followed after, saying something or other to him about going back in.

Ianto collapsed into tears as the door closed.

He had seen him again after billions of years. He knew now that he hadn't been forgotten. But why was it that when he was having fits, he could see his whole life but not him?

And why couldn't he bear it to say his name? One name, a thousand rushes, a thousand memories.

Maybe it would have been better if he had just forgot.


	7. Reiteration

**Hey so in case you guys didn't notice, I changed the rating. Mostly because of Ianto saying "Fuck." And chapters to come...**

"NOW can we drop him somewhere?" Donna was growing increasingly impatient with Ianto. He seemed to be doing a lot of complaining and generally being a hinderance.

"I wish. But he's property of the rift so to speak. With Jack gone and Gwen pregnant, looks like we're the only people who can really be in charge of rifty things. Although, from what I gathered out of his stammering from before, he's the one that closed the rift." He leaned over the railing above the stairs. "Besides, I have to prove a point."

"How very cryptic." Donna rolled her eyes. "Is this about your very dramatic exchange with that head thing?"

"Yep. It's called the Face of Boe by the way, in case you were wondering. I have to do a little fixer-upper on our friend in there." He said "fixer-upper" with an exaggerated American accent. "But how do we get him to talk? Well, he's a gentleman or so it seems, I'm sure he'd do the courtesy of talking to a young woman." He looked at shook her head violently.

"No. No no no no no no no. He's completely cracked. I am _not_ gonna go deal with that." she crossed her arms. The Doctor raised an eyebrow. She sighed. "At least stay near the door so I won't have to tell his whole life story again."

"Of course. Now, in you go, Ms. Noble." He opened the door for her and closed it, leaning an ear to the metal.

"You can tell him not to eavesdrop, thank you very much." Ianto was facing the opposite wall from her.

"He's gonna listen anyway. Whether I tell him later or his listens now makes no difference. You want to tell me what happened to you? Don't be boring." She approached him. He turned slowly towards her.

"I'll start at the beginning." He walked back towards the two chairs and sat, motioning to the other. Donna followed. "While you two were off gallyvanting through space, the world was dying. A group of aliens we called the 456 came down and demanded that we give them ten percent of the earth's children. They said that if we didn't, they would release a plague to kill the whole human race. Naturally, we tried to be heroic. The suits at Downing Street discussed which children were the best to give them. We tried to fight. I went into the building where they were holding the 456 with Jack. We threatened them... And they set the plague loose. It killed everyone in that building, including me." Donna looked extremely disturbed by the story thus far.

"Oh my god... I had no idea this was even happening. Did they give them the children?" Donna was intrigued and horrified.

"I don't know. I died, remember? Either way, the 456 obviously either left or died because when I came back-"

"How did you come back?" Ianto exhaled.

"I'm getting there. Well, I don't remember anything in between but suddenly I was on a mission with him again. There was this pub called The House of the Dead. He sent me there, or at least, I thought he did, to investigate. Turns out, there was this demon called Seriath there, and she could raise the dead." He paused. "Well, it turned out that I was one of the dead. I couldn't remember having summoned or anything like that, but I felt real. I reckon she brought me back just to tempt him into letting her through the rift. He had come there to see my ghost, he didn't know it would actually be me. He came there to die. He had these rock things that would seal the rift for good if he went through it. But, I took them. I was dead anyways and upset at that point. I guess the rift decided to have one last bit of fun and it brought me to where you found me. I was just so mad that I wanted to die again. But he told me he-" His breath hitched.

"He loved you?" Donna took a shot in the dark. It seemed the most logical. Ianto nodded.

"I almost didn't go through, but I had made up my mind. I had to die to save the world. A bit more heroic than dying of an alien flu, I suppose. Now have you gotten what you wanted?" He stood up and began to walk back towards the bed. "What about you, Doctor? Was that good enough?"

"Yup!" The Doctor shouted through the door. Donna rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time that day.

"Ianto, you keep saying "he." Why not just call him Jack?" Ianto was sitting on the bed again.

"It hurts to think about him. Names... They make it more subjective. I need to get away. "He" could be anyone. But a name... I just don't know. Please leave me now, you got what you wanted."

"No." Donna said simply. Ianto looked puzzled.

"I'm sorry?"

"No. Just, no. You've been sulking in this room for two days it's time you got out and calmed the hell down. All of space out there and you're stuck in this room. Now, get up." She tried to lift him by an arm. Obviously, it didn't prove very effective.

"You're joking."

"No, I'm not." She pulled again, he allowed himself to stand and follow her.

"We're going on an adventure, Ianto Jones. Maybe now, you'll see how wonderful the Doctor really can be."


	8. Willkomen

**BOLD BLACK TEXT**

****"Here we are!" The Doctor exited the TARDIS with long strides. "1931. Berlin, Germany. Just the way the city looked before things started to go bad." He turned to the other two, who were waiting in the doorway. "What?"

"It's freezing outside." Donna shivered.

"Well then, get a coat! Hurry up, I don't have all day!" The Doctor huffed. Donna and Ianto soon returned, wearing historically accurate coats and gloves. "Come along." He started to walk away.

"You just leave this thing out in the open?" Ianto looked back at the TARDIS.

"Of course." The Doctor smiled and continued his walk, secretly a bit frustrated. It was always questions, questions, questions with the new ones.

The three hurried along the streets. They laughed about various stupid jokes. Beggars yelled on street corners, children played on the sidewalks. Ianto seemed to be enjoying himself. They found a small bakery and sat inside, half for the purpose of actually eating, and half because of the biting cold outside.

"Why come here?" Ianto finally asked.

"I don't know. I haven't been in a while, I suppose. It's a very interesting time. All this horror waiting to arise, and people are totally oblivious." The Doctor grinned his usual grinned. Ianto stared at him in shock.

"You get off on the fact that in a few years, millions of people are going to die?" He scoffed and took a sip of his coffee. It tasted terrible.

"Even for you, that's low." Donna huffed at the Doctor.

"It's a question of looking at humanity, not "getting off." I find it amazing, the obliviousness." He paused and looked up. "Bollocks!" His voice raised but he kept the sound in a kind of stage whisper. "Well, I wasn't expecting that. We need to leave. Now." He started to get up. Ianto and Donna turned their heads to see what he was so panicked about.

Jack Harkness, a rather thin and awkward man, and a woman with green nail varnish, were standing, backs to their table, waiting to order food.

Ianto's heart leapt to his throat. He struggled to get a better view as he hurried out of the bakery. The trio ran down a street, stopping once they had cleared the next block.

"Well that wasn't supposed to happen." The Doctor sighed.

"What the hell was that?" Ianto's voice hit it's angry tone again.

"That was Jack, Christopher Isherwood, and Jean Ross from what I could tell. Under normal circumstances, I would have loved to have had a chat withe latter two, but if Jack had seen us it could have been detrimental. He hasn't met you yet and he has to wait at least another seventy or so years to find me again."

"Isherwood. The writer... Jack said he dated him for a time. I guess we just happened to be in the right place at the right time." Ianto smiled briefly, but it soon faded. "Doctor, I think I'd like to go back to my room now. Not like I can actually see him. It's just gonna make it worse if we stay." He tried to be passive, but Donna could tell he was in pain again. The Doctor was being completely oblivious again.

"How's about we find an inn or something? Get the whole Berlin experience. Better than sleeping in that dusty old TARDIS again." Donna winced, waiting for the Doctor to make some kind of defensive remark about how the TARDIS was beautiful. It didn't come.

"Sounds like a plan. But if you think you're bringing him to any of those raunchy cabaret bars you are quite wrong, Ms. Noble." The Doctir wagged a finger at Donna, who laughed a little. They set off yet again to find an inn.

* * *

><p>"Charming name, isn't it?" Donna quipped before taking a swig of ale.<p>

"Bloated Drunkard?" Ianto asked, looking back at the sign outside the inn. He shrugged. "Probably prophetic." He slung back his ale a little more aggressively than he intended. "I for one, am planning to drink off the entire day." He drank again. The Doctor sighed.

"You know, I try to keep things PG around here, it never seems to work. Just as long as you don't start spouting off your... Escapades... We'll be at least at a PG-13." He sipped his tea, trying to be a true opposition to the scene around him.

"Doctor, we are in a time before they had ratings, so I suggest you do yourself a favor and shut it before I slug you one." Donna drank again. She frowned at her almost empty pint. "Where did you go?" She called for another. The two drank for another three rounds or so, and that's when things started to get ugly.

"Haven't drank in at least six months. Being dead does that to you." Ianto called for a beer. Donna was yelling something unintelligable from across the table. "Do you know what would really be great? If Jack came in here right now. I would slap the shit out of that writer and then kick Jack's ass. Bastard. You know that best part? Can't die. He'd just keep coming back to get beaten again, wouldn't he? And you-" He motioned to the Doctor with his bottle. "You, I would take that big old clock over there and smash your bloody head in. Then we'll se who's a Time Lord- Get it?" He laughed and drank again. "Dangling him in front of me like that- Did it on purpose didn't you?" He stumbled backwards a bit. "You have no idea how it feels, sir. Sir, sir, sir all the time, I'm a proper office boy again aren't I? Sir, it fucking hurts. Being away and being here. Y-y-you don't know how it feels." He fell. The Doctor tried to help him up, he swatted him away. "Don't touch me! That's his job, always his job, like I didn't matter otherwise... Not much on that skinny writer to feel up is there? No sir. Sir again! I should be handing out knightships." He tried to get up, but fell back down. "You know who I saw today? That Seriath girl, what a lovely woman." He fell unconscious.

The Doctor's hearts stopped.

"What did you just say?" He tried to wake Ianto, but he was out cold. He hoped it was just a slur, a hallucination. But he knew that wasn't the case.

He brought Ianto upstairs to his room. Donna stumbled after and soon fell asleep in her adjoining room.

The Doctor couldn't sleep that night. He watched Ianto intently, waiting for another reason to be alarmed.

It wasn't long until he got it.


	9. What He Wanted

**NOTE: This is the reason I changed the fic to "T" Not too explicit though so don't get excited. Trippy dream scenes are a bit of a love of mine. I promise that the fic will not end here. Trust me, when you get to the end, you will want some explanation.**

It was dark in his head. Having drunken himself to sleep should have left him to a peaceful night. Dreamless. But there was so much more going on than a dream.

A pair of hands running down his chest...strong and familiar. He reached out to their owner, unable to open his eyes, but so sure of who it was. His arms were pinned back near his ears. Obviously the pursuer didn't want to be touched. He felt warm lips trace themselves along his torso. He gasped as they trailed further...

* * *

><p>There was a voice, so sweet in his ear.<p>

"Ianto. Ianto Jones..." He turned to the voice, the hands suddenly disappearing and his world restored. There was a beautiful and terrible woman standing before him. Her hair was dark, whipping around her and seeming to fleck like a flame. Her eyes were ice blue, almost transparent. Her body and voice emulated some kind of goddess. "Ianto, why do you keep running?" He tried to respond, but no sound came out of his mouth. He got out of his bed and tried to touch her, not believing she was real. "No. Don't move. Don't touch me. You already said not to touch you."

_"What do you mean?" _he thought. Surely, she could hear him, being a magical as she looked.

"You told me in the past. "Don't...touch me..."" Her voice changed to mimic his. It returned to normal for the next: "Besides, it's not me you want, truly."

_"I must differ." _he thought flirtatiously. He didn't know why he had become so bold. He checked again to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He could hear Donna snoring in the next room. Not a dream, then. The cool air whipped around him. He sighed

* * *

><p>"What are you up to, Ianto Jones?" The Doctor watched him squirm a bit in his sleep and sigh.<p>

* * *

><p>"You do not want me." She smiled again. The clock ticked loudly on his nightstand. But aside from that, there was no other sound. The darkness was beginning to swallow the room again. But it didn't seem odd. It just seemed as if they were the only two people in the world. If she was even a person. "Now tell me... why are you still running?"<p>

He was sprinting through the streets of Cardiff. There was something behind him, but he dared not look. His feet hit the ground hard and were beginning to sting. He stopped on the docks to catch his breath, knowing that it was time to be tagged out. The thing behind him caught him by an arm and whipped him around.

"Cheating, again?" Ianto smiled.

"No, you let me catch you. You _wanted_ to be caught. Don't pretend you didn't. You know what you want."

"Always."

* * *

><p>He was running again. Nothing chasing him, but he had to leave. He had to keep running. There was a chess board in the middle of the road. Maybe it was time to play. He was getting tired. The man on the other side of the board smiled at him, devilishly. He moved first, a pawn naturally. Ianto smiled. He had a fail-proof strategy when it came to chess. He reached for a knight to make his first move. But there were none. Every other piece lay on the board except his two knights.<p>

"What have you done with them?" He grew angry. How could he play the game like this?

'You're the one who moved them, eye-candy." The man's sharp cheekbones shifted up as their owner smirked. "A bit premature, I think. Remember? You moved one and the other just flew away. No more knights left. You always try to move the knights first, don't you? I think a pawn is a much safer choice for you. Strategy can only take you so far. Besides, I'm not the one who takes things that don't belong to me. There's a certain time when one has to lose. You're coming closer to it."

"No I'm not." He closed his eyes for a moment to blink and he was back in the darkness. Not a sound, not a sense but for the heat.

* * *

><p>The hands were roaming again. He inhaled as his stomach contracted. Again, he found himself motionless in his bed, unable to see.<p>

* * *

><p>He was still running. It was raining now. Oh, Wales. Always could count on stormy weather.<p>

"Where are you running to? Or are you running away?" Ianto stopped as the child approached him. He had been so worried about her.

"Misha." He knelt down as she ran into his arms. He stroked her head. She was laughing.

"Daddy says you're a faggot!" She yelled. Ianto pulled her away from his chest. She was still laughing, pointing at him. "Sorry Uncle, I'm not trying to be rude. The chemicals make me feel all floaty, see?"

Ianto's heart leapt to his throat.

"Misha! Misha, what do you mean?" He grabbed hold of her a little tighter. She giggled again.

"They're so fun! And they come from me. I'm magic!" Her voice suddenly changed to a deep alien voice he knew all too well. "They feel so good Uncle Ianto. You want to feel good too, right?" She was beginning to fade away, dissolving into dozens of pale bubbles.

"Misha! Misha no! I saved you! I died saving you!" He tried to grab any part of her as she melted away.

"But, you're still here." The air seemed to carry her voice away. "So did it work?"

* * *

><p>So much heat. Those fingers trailing over and over again.<p>

"Do you see what happens when you don't take what you want? The thing you want more than anything else. You've waited so long. Let yourself feel good." The woman's voice pierced through the dark again.

"You're right." He swallowed hard. "It's been too long..."

"You want him more than anyone."

"I do." He gasped again. The hands traveling further. "But...it's not what you think." He finally found the strength to open his eyes. The image she casted forth of Jack lying over him shifted as he changed it. He let himself see the man he truly wanted.

"Ianto, you're making the wrong choice." Her voice raised.

"No. I've wanted him longer than Jack." He smiled as hose hands became ice cold and the air around him froze. "So long, just waiting." They trailed up to his throat. "I should have just let him take me when Owen found him." The hands tightened. "Too long. Since Lisa. Maybe even before then..."

He smiled up at Death himself, as if in a cue to finally end it.

"Go on then. Take me, please."

The hands squeezed his throat. Somewhere the woman was screaming, shattering apart. His eyes dilated. His breath hitched. It was finally going to end.

He had never felt so alive.

* * *

><p><strong>R&amp;R<strong>


	10. What Wasn't Fixed

**NOTE: I accept flames and criticism. If you have any, please submit them. I need to know how bad this is because I feel like it's getting out of hand and my characterization is wonky. So please, flame! This may be the only time you hear someone say it so take advantage of it!**

The Doctor was struggling to get Ianto to wake up. He was convulsing violently and wasn't breathing.

"DONNA! WAKE UP!" He yelled to the other room. He had no idea what to do. Ianto wasn't waking but it seemed that he was choking to death in his dreams. "Stupid, stupid, stupid she's dead drunk, why would she wake up?" He looked up in frustration and resumed trying to shake Ianto out of his dreams. Nothing was working. He sighed in exasperation. The only person he could think of that would be able to wake him couldn't be allowed to see him, it would mess up so many of the laws of time. What was he going to do.

"What are you two yelling on about? I'm trying to sleep." Donna stumbled into the room, slurring. "Jesus, what's the matter with him?"

"I don't know! I was watching him sleep-"

"You were watching him sleep?" Donna chuckled. The Doctor let out an exasperated huff.

"Oh, never mind. How are we going to help him?" Donna shrugged and went back to bed. He smacked his head. Never ask a person with a half-slept-through hangover to help. As he travelled his hand down his face, he noticed something he hadn't before. The skin around the center of Ianto's neck was pushing in more than the rest of the skin on his neck. It was as if something invisible was choking him. Running out of options, the Doctor aimed his sonic screwdriver at the indentation. He watched as the skin settled back but visible hand marks were left behind.

Ianto woke with a start, breathing desperately and sweating.

"It was so real..." He whispered

"What was?" The Doctor asked, finally allowing himself to sit down and relax, at least for the time being. Ianto reiterated the majority of the dream as briefly as possible, trying his best to keep out the more... explicit moments. When he finished, he looked up at the Doctor, a mixture of sadness and anger in his eyes.

"Why didn't you just let him take me?" The Doctor looked at him, not seeming to hear what he said, with terrified eyes but a relatively calm face.

"This woman, did she give you a name?" Ianto scoffed.

"Right. Ignore me, not like people usually pay me any mind." He paused, reluctant to answer but there was something so persistent in the Time Lord's expression that he had to continue.

"She didn't. But I'm not an idiot. I know it was Seriath. She's spoken to me before. Every time I think of Jack-" He looked sideways sharply, skeptic, then looked back at the Doctor. "Every time I say _his_ name, she talks to me. Like just now. It only started happening after you gave me that funny vaccine."

"So, Seriath is still alive." The Doctor stood up quickly and began pacing about, trying to piece it together. "And she's using Jack to get to you. But how..." He ruffled his hair, gasped and continued pacing. "Of course! That's the reason the nanogenes didn't fix your head the first time around. They knew that you had to be mental to block her out. They took out your memories of him to prevent her from getting in." He looked at Ianto for some encouragement, but the Welshman only seemed confused.

"I don't understand why she has to go through him, though. And why is she trying to control me?" Ianto's brow furrowed. The Doctor shrugged.

"Beats me. But clearly, she needs you alive for something. You said that she was screaming when Death was strangling you, yes?" Ianto nodded. "Brilliant! Oh it makes so much sense now." He looked rather pleased with himself. "Seriath never performs full reincarnations. And even after you got sucked up into the rift, you kept getting lucky and survived and were healed. Even just now, you were seconds away from dying when I figured it out-"

"So why don't you just let me die now?" Ianto shook his head. "Think about it. If she is so desperate to keep me alive, then why not kill me so she can never execute her plans? I mean, I have a photographic memory. For your little nanogene things to come in and mess it up must not have been an easy task. Whatever she needs me for, it's serious. I'm not complaining-"

"No one dies if I can help it." The Doctor cut him off. He knew where this was going. Ianto persisted.

"I'm not going to fight it. There's nothing to help. If you don't do it, I'll do it myself. What do I have to live for? I can't see Jack again, and I certainly don't want to be floating around in the sky with you just because you have to drag me along." He got out of the bed and attempted to leave the room. The Doctor chased after him.

"Oh nononononononono." He locked the door with his sonic screwdriver and pointed back at the bed. "Not on my watch. Now you sit back down and we'll sort things out, yes?"

Ianto shot him a death glare but went back to bed all the same.

"Now, what would Seriath want with you? That's the question." He was trying to do his best at averting Ianto's suicide threats. "I mean, she's obviously trying to cut into some emotional-" He paused his thought. His jaw dropped. "Oh, how could I be so stupid? Really, so very very stupid!"

"What?"

"I give you nanogenes, they fix everything, including changing your memory. So why would they leave something out? The only things they can't fix are sleeper diseases-"

"Sleeper diseases?" Now he just sounded like he was making things up.

"Yes! Diseases that are in the body but show no physical or visible symptoms. They don't exist in the physical body, they exist in the spaces around the body's components. The empty spaces. Such diseases don't exist for humans, they have to be strictly of alien origin."

"What has that got to do with me?" Ianto was becoming increasingly more confused.

"Look at your face! Why would you still have a cut on your face? Why would they leave that out?" The Doctor was trying desperately to form thoughts, explain what he was thinking. "The 456 plague was made of air! You were the only one of the victims at Thames House with any sort of open wound-"

"How would you know that?" Ianto knew all along. The Doctor had meant to skip Earth. He saw what they were doing.

"Because I saw all the bodies. All of time and space, every dead person. And yes I didn't help and no, I will not tell you why." The Doctor was trying to get through his confession as quickly as possible. Ianto got up from the bed and crossed around the Doctor. "Wait! Hold on now, I haven't even explained it to you yet! Let me finish."

"I have no interest in hearing what you have to say. No matter what the reason, you should have come if there were children in danger." He made his way to the door. "And by the way, working for Torchwood, I've had to get through a LOT of locked doors." He kicked the door off it's hinges and walked out of the room.

The Doctor knew that he had lost him. No use chasing, he'd just run away again. He had to let him walk it off for now, he would come back later.

He hadn't even had time to explain that he was a walking plague.

**R&R more explanation to come.**


	11. Fixed

**I don't know if this fic is getting bad. It feels like it is. SMH. Anyway, please leave helpful reviews so that I know what needs to be fixed and any ideas you have.**

****It was so very very cold outside. He couldn't go back inside, not after that. The wind bit at him a hundred times. In the distance, he swore he could hear that familiar laugh again, as if to mock the disabled proximity he had to Jack, accompanied by the cool voice of his demon.

"Leave me alone." He struggled to speak against his frozen, dry lips.

"No." She said simply. "You really should listen to that Doctor, he was saying something important." She was a flicker in the corner of his eye, somehow tangible but invisible.

"I have nothing left to say to him." His tongue was cracking against the cold.

"He has very good reasons-"

"I don't care. No one endangers a child's life, let alone millions." He coughed, the dry air sucking back through his lungs more painfully.

"You really don't know then, do you?" She chuckled. The tone of it cut through the whistling wind. "what would you if I told you Jack killed a child?"

"Stop it." His mind was straining to stay active, but every word she said brought it down. And now this.

"No. Not wanting to believe it doesn't make it less true. Look." She suddenly came into view and disappeared just as quickly. Ianto's head was throbbing so painfully that he was brought to tears. A high pitched screech flooded his head and he opened his eyes. Jack was standing by, watching a child shake and eventually fall to his death. His eyes were full of tears, but not a light flickered through them. A woman flew to her son, and as she raised her head, Ianto recognized her from photographs in Jack's desk.

"No. No it's not real, he couldn't, not to his daughter-"

"He's killed his grandson." Ianto stood in shocked silence. It was a while before he could speak.

"Why?"

"It killed the 456. You know him better than I do. One life in exchange for many. Doesn't that sound like him to you?" She turned, nearly visible, to Ianto.

"It does doesn't it? But he couldn't have just- Not without trying. He must've-" Ianto's breath caught and his eyebrows raised in stunned realization. "I've done this to him, haven't I?"

"Yes. Losing you he lost himself. He runs away, but the whole galaxy isn't far enough to escape himself. Six months pass and he finally decides that he has to find a way to truly end it. He makes sure he sees the only thing that's been on his mind in half a year, and then lets it go. To save the world again. That's his job. He'll always be the one to move on. You weren't the first and you won't be the last."

Nearly silent tears carved down Ianto's face, burning a bit as they entered the cut on his cheek. Something was wrong.

"The Doctor said that to me, those exact words. Why?" He hissed as he found himself on the street, shivering.

"Because you can be." She disappeared.

He was left confused and hopeless, struggling to keep at least partly mobile. He tried to get up, walk towards the next open building. But his joints were stiff. He fell a thousand times before he made it to another inn. He sat close to the fire, trying to make sense of his thoughts. In some ways, he had saved the children by some twisted cause and effect. But mostly, he felt guilty. If he had held his breath maybe, or lasted a second longer, long enough for Jack to kiss him back to life...

Another tear rolled into his cut, it stung horribly. He tried to wipe the blood off with towel from the bar, but it seemed as if it was set to bleed just the same way as before. It was fixed that way.

A fixed point in time.

He ran out of the bar and vomited onto the sidewalk. He didn't even feel the cold now, too preoccupied by the spinning in his head and stomach. They were the same clothes he was wearing, the same cut on his face, the same shoes...

"The man who can't die. It's you now."

Her icy voice cut once more through the dark before vanishing all together.


	12. Why the Doctor Wasn't There

**Sorry for the hiatus guys! Been studying hard for my midterm exams! Thanks for the reviews. 3**

"Doctor?" Donna sauntered out of her room. The Doctor was sitting on the floor near Ianto's bed. He looked like he hadn't slept. "Oi, what happened to you?" She looked up at the empty bed and frowned. "And where did that handsome one go?" She rubbed her eyes. She vaguely remembered hearing some kind of choking in the middle of the night. Did she get up from bed? She couldn't remember.

"Our friend has decided to leave." He got up slowly. "He'll be back soon though, he'll want answers."

"Have we done anything else besides give him answers since we picked him up?" She rolled her eyes but then reconsidered the Doctor's statement. "Wait, answers to what?"

* * *

><p>"Funny isn't it?" He sat back in one of the chairs at the inn, trying not to think too hard. His headache was growing increasingly more painful. "The one time I can truly understand what Jack was going through... I can't talk to him about it."<p>

"How do you mean?" The voice in his head whispered in the recesses of his consciousness, somewhere beneath the headache.

"Well, that head thing that he turns into... It didn't know that I had my memory altered. It said that I had forgotten, as if it didn't know. So, I figure, I'll never see him again. If I did, I would tell him about what happened and he would know that I hadn't just forgotten." He was glad no one else was around to hear him talking to himself like this, he must have looked insane.

"I suppose. But like I said... You can change that. Now you can live forever. I'm sure that you'll see him. History has changed. I've changed it for you." He could sense her smiling.

"Right, and why am I immortal again?" His headache was now in a flux between extreme pain and normalcy.

"Because I brought you back to life. It's the same thing that happened to Jack." With each fluctuation, she became a little more clear.

"But why me?" His throbbing headache surged once more and his entire body began to feel weak. He hadn't felt this way since...

"That's why." The smile in her voice rang out once more.

* * *

><p>"Do you know what this means, Donna?" She was silent, imagining the possibilities if what the Doctor described were to come to fruition. "The whole world... Because I didn't fix it the first time."<p>

"No wonder you were up all night. I can't imagine..." She stopped, taking a deep breath. "He's got to die, hasn't he?" The Doctor looked up, fear racing through his eyes on an otherwise blank face.

"Yes." He crossed to the window in the room. It was snowing outside and Berlin was starting to wake. "The question is, how do you kill a man who can't die?"

Donna was a bit terrified. Never had she heard the Doctor speak of needing to kill anyone. He always tried to come up with a solution, a better plan. This time, there was none.

"I let it happen, I always let it happen." He huffed and hurried out the door, trying to smile. "Come on, Donna! We've got a plague to find!" Donna ran after him, trying to keep up with the much more lithe man, attempting to keep herself from utter panic.

* * *

><p>Ianto struggled to stand, but he couldn't keep his strength up. It was just as before, only this time, he wasn't dying, it wasn't letting up. He reached ahead, attempting to pull himself forward across the floor. He reached a hand out to Seriath. She refused it, preferring to watch him shut down.<p>

"I can make it go away." She tempted him. "There's so much you don't know. Parts of your life that have been destroyed with Retcon. You don't remember Mairwyn do you? Or Adam?" She stepped on his hand, he screamed, his entire body radiating with pain. "I can show you what you've lost. Just let me in..."

"Ianto! Ianto Jones!" The Doctor burst through the door of the inn. His concentration on Seriath broken, Ianto's pain ceased. But he still was suffering aftershocks of weakness.

"I'm over here!" He yelled, fingers clawing at the floorboards, trying to get up. The Doctor and Donna lifted him into the chair before pulling up other chairs in front of him.

"Are you feeling any better?" Donna asked quickly. It was important that they moved past the small talk. Important things were pending.

"Only a little." Ianto's head lolled sideways, luckily the chair was soft and had a rather high back. "I'm sorry, I've not the strength to keep it up." He sighed, a cold sweat still present from the recent fit. "It feels like it did before, when I died. This is what those few moments when I was struck ill felt like. Like all the strength in the world had gone. It comes when she... I suppose you already knew all this...and you know I'm immortal." The Doctor nodded slowly. "Is this what eternal life will feel like, then? I'm going to be in pain forever?"

"Yes, I'm afraid. Unless we find a way to kill you." The Doctor tried to keep his tone bright, but it just sounded wrong, even mocking. "The only other thing I can think of would be to find a way to get Seriath out your head. She needs you on her side, so she'll make the pain worse until you succumb."

"How do you mean that? Worse? And why does she want him?" Donna was almost as lost in the matter as Ianto was. He had been wondering the same thing, but didn't say. The Doctor shot her a look, as if to chide her for asking.

"You're a walking plague. Even without her helping it along, you're going to eventually get worse and become completely bed-ridden for the rest of your life. That's why she needs you. As a force of death, you are a powerful weapon. If triggered correctly, she could extract the plague from you and send it out to the universe, throughout all time!" The Doctor was getting more worked up. Speaking the outcomes aloud gave them a gravity they didn't possess in his head. "This could be detrimental! The 456 plague doesn't exist in the future, they'd have no way of vaccinating against it! A-"

"You mean the 456 don't exist in the future? It was all for nothing?" Ianto tried to slow down the Doctor's tirade with this thought, silently cursing himself for trying to defend against a race that would die out anyway. But something was wrong... Something about the way the Doctor had phrased his last few sentences that disconcerted him. But he couldn't think of what it was...

"Yes. I mean, it was helpful at the time, the 456 take hundreds of years to become extinct, but still in the long-run it was useless. What was I saying? Oh yes! Plague. So we need to get you back to the TARDIS and see what we can do about beating this thing!" He sprang up, grabbing Donna to help Ianto up. They hurried to the blue box as quickly as possible in the cold.

"We n-never paid for our r-rooms did we?" Donna's teeth chattered against the freezing winds. "S-s-serves them right, not even g-giving us a p-proper shower!" The Doctor sighed. The thing about time travel was that you _traveled in time. _Donna seemed to sometimes get confused with her historical technology.

They dumped Ianto into his room, arms exhausted from carrying him so long. He seemed to be asleep.

"I think I'll turn in as well. Long day and all." She left the room. Never mind the fact that she had woken up nearly an hour ago. She needed a break from the drama she was certain would go down in that room.

"Stop." Ianto whispered to the Doctor as he tried to leave.

"Not sleeping, then?" The Doctor stopped all the same.

"No. But I've found out what's been bothering me. You didn't have to add in that last about the futures and the vaccines. That means you were trying to prematurely defend yourself." He sat up with some difficulty and bore angry eyes, masked by his usual cool tone, into the Doctor. "You knew, didn't you? At the hospital? That I still have the 456 plague. That I was immortal. You didn't fix it on purpose."

There was no use denying it.

"Yes, I did. You have to suffer and die for the world to live. That's why I didn't interfere when the 456 came to Earth. It was all about you, Ianto Jones. You had to die. There are reasons that you had to die. If I had helped, you would have lived. Now, because a certain human couldn't control his grief, you're alive and we have much bigger fish to fry. Good night." He stepped out.

"Don't walk away from me! Why? Why was I meant to die?" Ianto yelled after. But the Doctor was gone. When it mattered most, he was always gone.

**R&R**


	13. Amnesia

**Sorry about the ****hiatus everyone! Exams and SATs and all sorts of stuff. But anyways, I'm back!**

"You said there were things hidden from me." He spoke into the silence, he knew she was listening. She was there in the echos as the Doctor closed the door. She was there in the cracks in the wall. She was everywhere that something had once been.

"Yes. Things wiped from your memory, important things." She whispered again. Every time she spoke she became less threatening, more entreating.

"Like the reason I had to die?" He had to be direct. The pain shooting through him made it difficult to speak.

"Maybe, maybe not." There was a smile in her voice. "Are you willing to take that chance?"

"What have I got to lose?" He took as deep a breath as possible as his mind filled suddenly with stolen thoughts... Very dark and very dangerous. He gasped as the pain left his body, but his head filled with torment.

* * *

><p>There was a darkened room, a rush of lust, a woman standing in front of him. Beautiful and close, a hand on his face.<p>

"You're right." He spoke to her, his head reeling.

"I know." she replied, her hand tracing small circles on his cheek.

"You're here to save me." He murmured. He knew this woman...

"Yes, I am." She kissed him, but pulled away quickly, grasping her stomach. She fell to the ground, a knife lodged in her flesh.

"I didn't need saving." Anger and satisfaction, as if he had done the right thing, suffused his voice as he looked down at the dying woman.

"God... That hurts..." She blinked slowly, life leaving her eyes. He didn't care.

He felt justified.

* * *

><p>"What the hell was that?" Ianto pulled himself out of his thoughts, choking on air as it struggled to reach his lungs.<p>

"Her name was Mairwyn. You killed her. She wasn't the only one." Seriath smiled and his head throbbed again.

* * *

><p>There was a street on a raining night. He would have been cold despite his coat under any other circumstances, but his blood was hot with fury and thoughts of what he would do. The woman's heels clicked against the sidewalk, her purse hanging limply on her shoulder as she hurried through the rain. His hand twitched. If only he could just get it over with now and stop the incessant whispering in his head. Those voices that would calm if he stopped someone else's.<p>

He waited until the woman had turned a corner, into a darker area of the street. He lunged at her and missed. She saw him and tried to run, but hit a dead end at a store front. She whimpered, too frightened to beg or form coherent words. He pressed a finger to her lips, she shook in fear. His hands flew to her throat. She stammered, her breath fleeing her body.

He felt her life drain away beneath his hands. In a way, it felt like it was going into him.

It was the same with two more girls. They all struggled and they all perished.

He dialed a number on his mobile.

"Adam? I'm at the corner store on Mall Avenue. I need a favor. Come alone." He hung up. Adam would help him get rid of their bodies. Adam was always reliable no matter what.

He stared up into the foggy sky. The bodies lay strewn around him.

And he didn't care.

* * *

><p>Ianto snapped back into reality.<p>

"Adam...How could I forget Adam? He was with us so long..." His mind returned to the other part of his memories. "I didn't do this... It's got to be a lie... What did you do to my head?" He looked around but Seriath was trying her best to stay invisible, a disembodied voice.

"But can you deny they are true? They feel so real, so relevant. Everything. Every bit of it is true and you know it. These memories were at once very real to you. They were stolen. They had to take your memories to try to save you, and it worked. But you know the truth now, you know what you want."

Those words again. He struggled with the idea that his thoughts could be real, and yet he knew them to be undeniably true. He answered her.

"Something in me, something suppressed. It wants to kill." His eyes misted over and the tears began to fall silently.

"Imagine it... Over six billion people in the world alone. Think of the whole universe... All that life... Feeling it leave everything and surge into you... It would save you, Ianto. It would destroy this plague inside you."

"By destroying everything else. Is it worth it?" He struggled to remain in control of his mind, which was reeling with the recent additions to its history, bringing out the killer in him. He lurched, paused, and finally spoke as his voice lowered. "It's completely worth it."

* * *

><p>On the floor of the TARDIS, a flickering image began to form. It became more and more clear, the static morphing into skin. In only about a minute, it had turned into a man.<p>

He inhaled sharply and looked around, wondering where he was, but not really caring. He was alive. What else mattered? His hands crackled with energy and he laughed, his red hair flipping forward as he lowered his head, chuckling.

"So..." He got up and began to stroll about the TARDIS. "I've heard all about you from Jack... Taking people places." He sat down in front of one of the screens. "It seems that someone has decided to remember me." He smirked, waiting for a hidden camera to show on the screen who was on the TARDIS. It flickered over to a room, where a familiar man was pacing back and forth, muttering to himself. "Well, that's just rich, isn't it?" He leaned back.

"Ianto Jones... As if I didn't mess you up enough in the past." He smiled as the TARDIS hummed and continued through space.

* * *

><p><strong>R&amp;R<br>**All your questions will be answered.  
>For those wondering, Mairwyn was a character from Gareth David-Lloyd's comic "Shrouded." I thought it would be nice thing to see.<p> 


	14. Adam

**Thinking about splitting the fic and making this chapters and the ones following a kind of part 2 or sequel. It just seems like it's getting do you think? Let me know.**

"Who the hell are you?" Donna stood in the doorway to her room, watching the stranger on the main floor in horror. He smirked and began to make his way up the stairs to her. She stepped cautiously backwards. How did he get on? They were floating in the middle of space!

"Don't worry," he stretched out a hand to her head. Cupping his hand around her neck, he leaned in closer. Under normal circumstances, she would have kicked him out of the way and yelled for the Doctor. But there was something so comforting about him. He gave the air of familiarity and persuasion, though she knew she had never seen him before. "Ms..." He searched her mind and read through each memory carefully. "Donna Noble, don't be silly, I've been traveling with you for months now, remember?"

He released her neck and her face softened.

"Couldn't resist fooling with your head a bit." She smiled and leaned back into the door. He smirked at the irony of her statement. "See you later." She was about to shut the door when she returned suddenly to the frame. "Adam? Do you mind checking on Ianto? I starting to get worried about him."

"Yeah, I'll do that." He nodded and stepped out of view. She shut her door and he made his way down the narrow hall leading to Ianto's room. He wasn't quite sure of what to do. Had the Retcon failed after so long? Why was he remembering now? A delicious smile came to his face as he remembered the previous installations he had added into Ianto's memory. He paused in front of the door, listening to make sure there were no unfamiliar voices in the room. There was a faint sob, which he recognized from before as Ianto's.

He pushed open the door silently. Ianto was curled up on his bed, rocking slowly and sobbing. He walked into the room slowly, not quite sure of a plan to follow. He just knew that he was hungry. As he came closer, a figure began to shift in and out of view. A woman, wrapping her arms around Ianto, seeming to envelop him, feeding off of him.

A woman he knew all too well.

Adam gasped and scampered from the room as quickly and quietly as possible before having a subsequent panic attack in the hallway. This was beyond anything he could have imagined. What were the chances of it? There had been so few times in his shaky existence when he had to do the right thing. But now, it wasn't even an option.

He snaked through the halls, trying to sense some other form of life in the TARDIS. He came to yet another set of stairs. Obviously the "bigger on the inside" memories in Jack's head weren't an exaggeration. He ascended the staircase quickly, finding himself in a kind of large closet. He gawked at a few of the ensembles. Not everyone could get away with having Elizabethan garb next to a 50's greaser outfit. As he neared the end of the closet, he came to a large door, and opening it, found himself in the Doctor's room. He was surprised to find it relatively empty except for a bed and a large shelf-filled cabinet, clogged with various intergalactic objects. The Doctor was standing in a corner of the room, and was apparently deep in thought. Adam wondered if perhaps he never slept. He cleared his throat and the Doctor turned, surprised and confused.

"What? Where did you come from?" The Doctor screwed up his face.

"My name is Adam. I'm sure you've heard of me." Adam smiled.

"Adam? THE Adam who goes around stealing memories?" The Doctor's face became grim. He had heard stories over the years from people who had seen their relatives's minds completely change at the touch of a man named Adam.

"Yes. So you have heard of me."

"Did you come here for Ianto?" The Doctor took a cautious step towards Adam, not wanting to get too close and risk him touching him.

"How do you know about that?" Adam's brow furrowed. There was no way he could possibly know about Adam's dealings in Torchwood.

"Captain Jack Harkness." He smirked and subsequently grimaced at the thoughts of his former companion. "He had a sort of space morse code machine he used to try to get messages to me with. Every now and then I would get one talking about his missions and begging me to come back for him. Well, after we went on our last little adventure he stopped sending them out. But out of the blue one day he sends me one, telling me everything that happened when you interfered with the team before he Retconned himself. Or at least, that's what he said he would do. He wanted to make sure I knew in case the worst happened or something went wrong with the Retcon."

"Why didn't you respond then? Or all the times before? He was your friend wasn't he?" Adam was actually a bit shocked. Having looked into Jack's head, he had seen everything Jack had felt for the Doctor, practically lived through it. Years of waiting.

"Before he found me again I didn't have any reason to talk to him. He was wrong. Immortals shouldn't exist, even I'm not truly immortal. But with this message I checked back in later and saw that everyone had made it out fine." The Doctor paused his story and remembered why he had begun having the conversation in the first place. "Wait, why are you here again?"

"You're not going to believe me, but you're in danger. All of you." He began to sweat a bit in fear. Only he knew the true gravity of the situation.

"Of course I believe you." The Doctor said simply.

"You do?" Adam was puzzled. If he knew everything Adam had done in the past, why believe him?

"Our friend Ianto is a walking plague and Seriath is going to try to get it out of him and kill the world." The Doctor sounded a bit bored with the statement, purposefully trying to belittle Adam. "Don't worry, she'd have to get him to comply to digging up some very well-buried memories to use him, I don't think he'd submit to her offers."

"You're wrong. I saw him just moments ago and she's taken him over. I can hear what he's thinking from afar because I've already tapped in once before. It's both your fault and mine. She's showing him fake memories I put there, of him wanting to kill. She's twisting it and making it seem real."

"How is that my fault?" The Doctor looked somewhat offended. He wasn't the evil one here.

"He wanted to know why he had to die and you wouldn't tell him. Now the exact thing you feared has come to fruition simply because you wouldn't acknowlege its existence. Now he thinks he needed to die because he was evil and needed to be put down. He feels guilty, but at the same time she's unearthed a killer. And she's going to enlarge that impulse until he feels like it'd be fine to destroy the world." He got more and more riled up. "We have to clear his memory and kill her before she can do that."

The Doctor broke into a sweat and sat down on the bed. Everything was going to go to hell because of what he'd try to avoid.

"He had to die so that she wouldn't use him. That's why Jack's little "kiss of life" didn't work. It wasn't meant to." The Doctor stood again and paced rapidly. He looked up, as if cursing an invisible Jack on the ceiling. "Why are you so selfish! I should have just left him on his spaceship to explode all the way back then!" He paused to bring hand to his head and swept it down his face. He looked at Adam with grave eyes. "What's in this for you?"

"She's the reason I exist. I was like Ianto once. She brought me back from the dead as a ghost, a memory. But she couldn't control me. I broke out and after a while I noticed that I was fading as the people I loved began to die. I die with their memories. That's why I had to feed myself into other people's to survive. If there's no memory of me existing, it doesn't make sense for me to hang around as a ghost. I can't die unless I'm completely forgotten or I kill myself. That's why Ianto could have just died in his sleep last night, his subconscious was trying to strangle him and get the plague out. It's a damned life but that's what he's become as well. She was like that once and her manipulation powers grew until she became her own entity. If we can get her out of Ianto's head, she'll be buried again and nothing would be more satisfying than not having to be under her control. I'd be truly human again."

The Doctor seemed to have calmed down a bit. "You think you can suck the memory of her out of him?"

"I can try. It's going to be hard to get close since she can still control me. But it's worth a try." Adam shrugged nervously and tried to maintain his cool composure, but the thoughts that arose during his last tirade had stirred up a deep fear.

"It's not that simple. She could still come back as long as he has feelings and memories strong enough to signal her back." The doctor put on his glasses and began to peruse his shelves, mostly just to keep from thinking too hard about the difficult decision he knew he would have to make. But Adam hadn't caught on to the solution yet.

"He feels very deeply, it's going to be hard to get that out of him. He's so empty inside that when something comes along that he feels passionate about it becomes him. So really-" He stopped, finally realizing the solution the Doctor had discovered moments before.

"You know what we have to do then?" The Doctor turned around to face Adam again.

"That's cruel." Adam's small heart was truly effected by the thought of it. He had lost so many people, watched his whole family die before his eyes. And he had been in Ianto's head to know how much of him this would take away.

"It's the only choice." The Doctor put decisively. 'Go on."

"I have to take Jack out."

"You have to take Jack out."

* * *

><p><strong>R&amp;R<strong>

**Sorry if any of that was confusing. If you have questions message me or leave it in your review.**


	15. Choices

**Hello everyone. I am interested in knowing what some of the people who reviewed earlier on in the fic are thinking of it now. Leave a message in my inbox. Hope everyone is enjoying it.**

"We have another problem, Doctor. I rewrote Donna's memories to fit myself in. Thought it'd be better to tell you now before it became a problem." The Doctor's eyes widened.

"You rewrote an entire year to fit yourself in? Are you insane?" He began to pace again.

"Yes, actually you could say that." Adam shrugged.

"Well, can you fix it? Can you change it back?" The Doctor stopped to gesture at Adam.

"No, that would probably kill me. That'd be like draining a human of all their blood, I can't take what's keeping me alive out. I can alter it slightly-"

"You'd better. You've put me in a real moral dilema, you know that?" He ruffled his hair with a sigh. "I don't know if we have that kind of time, to explain everything to her I mean."

"Well, I could knock her out until we're finished."

"Donna is extremely valuable. She could help us." The Doctor didn't like the sound of Adam's plan. Sometimes her humanity was what saved him.

"Well would you like to explain that I've been both living on the TARDIS for a year and am an evil ghost who wipes memories?" Adam shifted his standing and crossed his arms as if to persuade the Doctor with his begrudging stance.

"Fine. But if we need her, she'd better be alright!" The Doctor reluctantly ordered. Adam flickered out of the room, return a moment later.

"All set." Adam began to exit the Doctor's room.

"You can teleport?" The Doctor pulled his familiar expression of confusion.

"Of course I can teleport. I'm a ghost. Now for God sake hurry up, we've got a world to fix." Adam left the room. The Doctor huffed and looked at the ceiling in the irony of it all, but soon followed.

* * *

><p>Outside of Ianto's room, Adam and the Doctor stood on the opposite end of the hallway. The Doctor shimmied a bit, as if trying to will back his usual perkiness with flailing.<p>

"Will you stop that? I'm trying to concentrate." Adam stared intently at the door, trying to focus on Ianto's thoughts.

"Alright, I'll be giving the orders from now on. This is my TARDIS, and my rules. Do you think you can tap into his memory from here?"

"Sort of, it's difficult. She's blocking me. But she doesn't know if here-"

"Well how can she be blocking you if she doesn't know you're here?"

"Given that Ianto's one of us, she might be confusing my energy with his and think that he's evading her, so she's trying to block the wave itself. I still can't change his mind without touching him, but I can push her out for a time if I concentrate." He punched the word 'concentrate' purposefully, hoping the Doctor would shut up. The latter threw his hands up but quieted all the same. adam's face struggled with effort, but after a minute or so, it softened and he hurried through the door. The Doctor followed suit.

"I've got only five minutes to show him what's right. Stay nearby in case he tries anything." Adam approached the bed, where Ianto was sweating, face blank but with sorrow in his eyes. "Ianto," he began. "You didn't kill those girls." Ianto turned his head slowly to Adam, confused.

"Adam? Why are you here?" Seeing that Adam wasn't responding, he shook his head. "I did, I remember it. I felt it." His forehead creased as he thought again of what she had shown him.

"It's a lie. She's shaping it into what she wants you to believe." Adam hinted, purposefully choosing his words.

"Haven't you said that to me before? But..." Ianto struggled to think of why the man he was talking to seemed so familiar.

"She's only showing you half-truths, you're not seeing everything. Look..." He touched Ianto's burning forehead and closed his eyes, unburying the rest of Ianto's memories of him, finding out about Adam being a liar, some kind of villan. Taking the retcon to get him out but nonetheless knowing it wasn't his fault. Seeing Mairwyn the first time, learning that she wanted the device John Hart had, finding out she was evil, that she was tempting him with the future, deciding to kill her to prevent that from happening. It wasn't wrong. He just hadn't seen everything before.

Adam removed his hand and Ianto stared up in shock.

"It's true... I didn't kill them... You..." His face became stern. He leapt up at Adam who backed away. "Now I remember you. Why should I listen to anything you have to say?" He balled up his fists.

"Because you just got out of that bed." The Doctor said simply. "Look, you're strong again. Do you feel anything?"

"No... I feel fine... A little more than angry but other than that..." He smiled for what felt like the first time in a lifetime. "Im fine."

"That's because I'm blocking her out of your mind. It's not going to last much longer though so I need you to listen." Adam felt Seriath struggling to bleed through the cracking barrier.

"Why're you suddenly so sympathetic?" Ianto grimaced at him.

"Would you believe me if I told you I was doing this because of personal gain?" Adam raised his eyebrows.

"Yes."

"Good, so shut it." Ianto reluctantly closed his mouth, still glaring. Now that he remembered what Adam had done to him, he was in no position to forgive him. "I don't have time to explain, but I need to take out your memories of Jack so that Seriath can't control you any longer."

Ianto's heart sank.

"You're trying to tell me that the only way I'm going to live is if you take him away?" After everything, the solution to all that was wrong with him was going to destroy him all the same.

"Yes." Adam said bluntly. The Doctor felt a passionate speech building up. He knew Ianto would need more than that to be convinced.

"Ianto, listen for a moment. Everything Jack stood for... Stands for... It's your turn to employ it. He was selfless. It took me a long time to see it, especially given his narcissism..." He paused for a moment, rolling his eyes at various memories of Jack. "But really, whenever it was between the greater good and himself he'd put himself aside. The only time he ever thought of doing the opposite was, in fact, for you."

Ianto closed his eyes, remembering Jack's voice echoing through Thames House.

_"I take it back, but not him!"_

"Do what he would have done. Save the world. Now that you know he'll always remember you, let yourself do the right thing." The Doctor stared intently at Ianto, whose eyes had begun to open slowly. He tried to be strong, but him voice came out high and weak.

"I'll do it. But let me see him one more time."

The Doctor was silent.

"Doctor, I have to get out before she sees me. I'm losing her." Adam hurried from the room. The Doctor stayed a moment longer, speaking to Ianto wordlessly through his gaze. Making a promise he didn't know if he could safely keep. The air rushed around them room and Ianto's eyes grew dark as he hit the bed, writhing again as Seriath overtook him once more.

The Doctor stood, watching for perhaps a moment longer than he should. Hindered by the weight of the choice he would have to make, before leaving the room again. He found Adam in the hallway, near breathless from the previous effort.

"If you let him, he'll be the most vulnerable. She'll be the most able to use his emotions then." Adam panted. The Doctor shook his head because he wasn't a hero. He wasn't Jack. And just this once, he was going to place the needs of one above the rest. It was the least he could do.

"It's not a choice. We're going to let him see him. And if it's the last thing you do, you will do all in your power to keep her out while he does."

The Doctor left Adam exhausted and horrified in the hallway and began to steer the TARDIS towards the dying Earth.


	16. Knowing

**I've been waiting to write this chapter for so long! Yes! Hope you enjoy it**

"What's the plan?" Adam asked as they landed the TARDIS outside of an apartment in America. A light shone dimly through one of the higher windows.

"You take these," The Doctor grabbed two suction cup-like discs that fell from the ceiling. "Attach them to either side of your head. It'll enhance your mindfeild. You fight her off as long as possible. That's all you have to worry about. Go on!" As soon as he saw that Adam had secured the discs to his head, he ran to Ianto's room. "Ready?" He called down.

"Yeah! Can we get this over with?" Adam called back. The Doctor rolled his eyes and opened the door to Ianto's room and entered. A moment later he watched the visible change in Ianto from Seriath's influence leaving him.

"Doctor. She's gone. Are we?" He rose from his bed, innocently staring at the Doctor, in hope. The Doctor nodded with a gentle smile on his face. There was worry in his eyes, but Ianto didn't see it.

"Yes."

Ianto exhaled and began to exit the room. The Doctor stared after for a moment before following suit. The passed Adam, who was concentrating deeply on the main floor of the TARDIS. As they approached the door, Ianto shook.

"I don't know about this. It's going to be terrible for him. Should I just um-"

"I went through a lot of emotional warfare to get you here, you are going out that door and getting this over with, understand?" The Doctor opened the TARDIS door to the street outside the apartment. It was night, but pleasantly warm outside. The Doctor removed a cellphone from his pocket.

* * *

><p>"I wish he was here now." Jack closed his eyes. Why were they talking about this? "Not much of a team is it? But we've still got each other. You and me. Just like the old days. We don't need anyone do we? We don't need Rex-" He noticed the silence on the other line. "We don't need anyone? Right Gwen? Gwen? Gwen?" He hung up with a shaking hand. Moments later, the phone rang again. He hoped silently that it was her calling back, to tell him it would be alright and they could be the team they were again. Just him, her, and Rhys. He picked it up. "Hello?" The man on the other line answered, spoke. The voice too familiar, speaking the impossible.<p>

* * *

><p>A few minutes later Jack had dressed and was out of the apartment. It couldn't be true. Why now? After everything...<p>

Ianto stood outside of the TARDIS, looking just as he did when Jack watched him walk back into the rift. A moment of great joy and great sorrow passed through them both. They took in every moment of each other. What Jack saw was a man who had been through so much pain, so much heartache, who was still hurting.

What Ianto saw was not the man that he knew. All the light had gone from his eyes. He looked as if he could barely stand, as though his heart was working strenuously just to keep beating. It was a look that Ianto only saw when Jack thought no one else was looking. That under the facade of his charm there was a very old man. Now it was permanently plastered to his face.

"Ianto," He struggled out. The air between them hummed with so much tension, with questions.

"Yes Jack it's me." Another moment of silence. The Doctor walked back into the TARDIS, choosing to leave them alone.

"How?" Was all Jack could manage.

"Doesn't matter." Ianto smiled, but there was no joy in it. "I can't stay. Something's happened and they need to take you out of my memory." He might as well just say it, get it over with before it broke his heart later.

"You aren't real." Jack tried to take a step towards him, but it was difficult. Everything felt so labored to him now, even more so at this moment.

"I am real. I'm just not all here. It's complicated I-" He stopped again. "Please."

A knowing look crossed Jack's eyes as the filled silently with tears. He ran towards Ianto, taking his weakened body in his arms. Ianto's hands gripped Jack's shoulders, fingers digging in to feel him closer.

"I'm so sorry." Jack managed, muttering into Ianto's neck.

"Don't." Ianto forced out. Not wanting to speak, just to breathe him in.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." Jack took Ianto's face in his hands, pressing their foreheads together. "I'm so sorry."

"Stop. Please, I can't." Ianto closed his eyes but couldn't let go.

"Whatever this is, it doesn't matter now. Just don't go." His hands slid to Ianto's shoulders.

"I have to, I'm sorry. I have to forget you. They have to take you away. I don't have time to explain, I just- I needed to see you again." the tears were coming to fast now.

"This is wrong." Jack looked up at him. "He's punishing me for doing this to you before."

"Jack I-"

"Don't. Don't say it. I don't deserve it. Not now." He squeezed Ianto's shoulders tighter.

"Jack I forgive you."

Another moment of silence. The air between them shortened As Jack pressed his lips to Ianto's, shaking. Ianto brought his hands up to Jack's face for a second before they broke the kiss.

"I'm sorry." Jack stepped away.

"Why?" Ianto tried to follow his steps.

"It cheapens it. I should have just-" He lowered his eyes. "Every time I have to ruin this..."

"At least you know I'm real." Ianto stepped towards him again. Jack let out an awkward chuckle.

"But you'll be able to remember right? Even the best erasures can't really destroy a memory. You'll come back. Gwen, she remembered us even after we Retconned her, right? You'll come back-" He was shaking now. Everything he had strained to forget over the past year was coming back.

"No, I can't."

"I can't lose you again. Three times now. I'll have to watch you go." Ianto's heart broke. He knew what this would do to him. He wondered if maybe perhaps he shouldn't have come. It was selfish. He was doing to Jack what Jack had done to him at The House of the Dead, what had started all this in the first place. Selfishness.

"It's the third time I have to leave you. It's the same. But you, you'll handle it, you're the strong one. And you're going to live forever and never forget, I know that now, I've seen it." He came closer to Jack, allowing himself to press a hand to his chest. "I'm not afraid anymore."

"You're braver than I ever was. I never told you, but you were. You took all of the shit they threw at you and I could never-" He grabbed Ianto's hand on his chest and brought it down. He couldn't touch him now. It would make it worse. Maybe he would feel, somehow know that Jack's heart was weaker, mortal. That now he wouldn't live forever.

A great commotion began in the TARDIS. Ianto knew that Adam wouldn't be able to hold her off much longer. Part of him didn't care, and the other part was too petrified of letting Jack see him sick to stay.

"I've got to go."

He began to walk away. All those times when he was alive and he was afraid Jack would leave didn't matter now. It was always Ianto who did the leaving.

"I love you. I always will love you. All this time and all I can think about is the things we never did, and what I couldn't do to save you. You saved me so many times and there was nothing I could do to save you, not when it mattered. All I think about is what I would give to have you with us again, save the world together." It was all coming out now, everything he ever wished to say, knowing that it really would be the last time.

"We're saving the world right now. All this, the forgetting, it's going to save the world. This is our last adventure. I'm not really going. I'm still alive. I don't know where I'll be, but I will live. And I know that somewhere in my heart I'll always love you, even if I don't remember who you are. Nothing can take that away. I died loving you and I'll live loving you." He turned one last time to Jack and nodded.

"Goodbye, I love you. Now go save the world!" Jack smiled genuinely. He knew now that Ianto was alive. He never really left.

"And I love you too, Jack." Ianto entered the TARDIS one last time.

* * *

><p>The Doctor pressed his hands to Ianto's head.<p>

"Ready?"

"Yes."

Every memory played backwards. Blue light, blood, love, lust, a stopwatch, pterodactyls and chocolate, the first time he watched that coat billow away.

And then there was nothing.

* * *

><p>The TARDIS whirred off, the familiar sound comforting Jack a bit it faded away.<p>

Jack stood a moment longer in the street, taking everything in, before reentering the apartment, taking off his clothes, and getting back in bed with the bartender whose name he couldn't remember. He thought of picking up the phone again, telling Gwen. But it was pointless.

No one could ever know.

No one ever would.

* * *

><p><strong>R&amp;R<strong>


	17. Epilogue

_Sorry for the wait everyone, but here's the final chapter! I will miss this fic terribly. Hope you enjoyed it_**_!_**

_**Epilogue  
><strong>  
><em>Ianto Jones never forgot what happened at Canary Wharf. He never forgot how he had lost his then-girlfriend Lisa in the fray. Maybe she had survived, but he supposed he would never know. Then again, if he hadn't lost her, perhaps he never would have met Branwen. They had been married for seven years now and their relationship was still strong. He hoped that maybe someday he would forget Torchwood One, would forget what he had seen. But somehow, it also made him stronger, knowing what was out there. He would be able to protect his family better.

* * *

><p>It had been about two years since Jack had spoken to the Ianto that remembered him. But he had watched him from afar for a long time now. He just needed to make sure that he was alive and well. He was fine, just different. Still loyal, he loved his family, just a bit more demure. Then again, he had never been to Torchwood Three, he couldn't be the same person, he hadn't seen the same things. He still held on to the hope that someday he would be triggered to remember, but not enough to hurt him. One day, the temptation became too great.<p>

* * *

><p>Ianto watched his son from afar. He was playing with David and Mica on the swings. They were a bit older, but he had never had a problem with them getting along. He sat on the bench, alternatively checking his mobile and watching the kids.<p>

"Excuse me, sir?" A man was walking towards him, handsome and wearing a long coat.

"Me?" He asked back.

"Yes, you. Did you drop this? Or have you seen anyone looking for it?" He held up an antique stopwatch. Ianto shook his head.

"Nope. Not mine. And I haven't spoken to anyone all day so..." He nodded as if that was a complete enough thought. The man's smile faded.

"Darn, I've been carrying this thing around all day looking for the owner. I found in the parking lot of the park I figured it was somebody's. At this point I might as well just keep it right? Do you mind?" He motioned to the unoccupied section of the bench.

"Not at all." Ianto smiled, indicating the space with an open hand. The man sat next to him, reaching out.

"Name's John." He smiled widely. Ianto shook his hand.

"Ianto." He smiled back. "Do you have any kids here? Grandkids?"

"Grandkids? Do I look that old?" Jack, or rather John, laughed, but there was a bit of a sadness to it.

"No, no. Not sure why I said that." Ianto furrowed his brow. What a strange thing to say. "No kids, though?"

"No. You?"

"Yep. Just there." He pointed to his son. This man could very well have been a child molester or the like. He wasn't even sure why he was trusting him with this information, but he felt at ease with him somehow.

"He got a name?" Jack stared at Ianto's son. He looked just like him, same dark hair, same beautiful blue eyes, same profile. But of course there were bits of his mother in there as well. Jack had seen her a few times, a beautiful brunette, and very strong and determined.

"Jack."

The man stared at Ianto a long time. Ianto was a bit uncomfortable with it.

"Sir?" Ianto puzzled at the man a moment longer, then thought to himself. Sir. Why did he say sir? Why not John?

"I think I need to get going, I've caused quite a hitch in my day staying here." The man got up from the bench and walked off. Ianto thought he saw him wipe tears away as he left, but it couldn't have been. Ianto resumed his activities, trying to think past the strange encounter.

* * *

><p>Not much air... So tired... Why couldn't it just end... It was too long... too long to live... Now it was just torture. There was a bit of a ruckuss. He opened his eyes, surprised to see the Doctor back again. He smiled a bit to himself. He wondered why he had come, and now he was with Donna so it must have been much later. Last time he was with Martha. And there was someone else. Someone so familiar. His eyes opened wider, trying to see. And then it was all too much.<p>

_"No. It can't be." _The figure turned. His suspicions were confirmed. Now the pieces began to fit. Obviously he must have been traveling with the Doctor before... Before that awful day when he saw him walk away again. It was heartbreaking. All these years, centuries, millions of centuries, even. Still, he couldn't forget anything. And he always remembered what he killed.

Ianto knelt in front of his case, blank faced. After all this time, he still didn't remember. Jack had spent so many years waiting for him to have even a glimmer of a memory.

_"I told you."_ He struggled to speak, knowing his words would mean nothing. _"I would never forget you. It seems you couldn't do the same." _He watched the Doctor drag him away, afraid. He knew what was going to happen. The Doctor was going to destroy his memories.

_"You won't fix him, Doctor." _The Doctor turned to his old friend. _"He will break because of you. You make it happen."  
><em>

The Doctor wouldn't stand for this. He knew very well what had to be done and what it was going to save. He had seen all of time and space and he knew it was going to work. Even with millions of years and all that wisdom... Jack was still selfish.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I'm so sorry. But you're wrong."

Jack watched as the Doctor, Donna, and Ianto, left.

He closed his eyes in sorrow.

He closed his eyes in peace.


End file.
